Even in the Face of All Evidence

Yesterday I found myself embroiled in a very interesting situation, one in which all hard evidence pointed to the fact that I was a deranged psychotic maniac. Whilst I do not deny, your honour, that every now and again I have flashes of this persona if someone fills the sink up too much during dry times for example or if my tools get left out in the rain (by me) or if I see a child suffering at the hands of an adult - but yesterday, I swear, was not one of these times! Despite the scenario resulting in several rounds of abuse (toward me) and in one woman being so afraid she had to pull over in her car and start crying, I your honour was framed!

It all began when I finished teaching my 9:30 class in Byron and jumped in the car toward town. Everything was going smoothly along the straight but at the first bend my car turned against me - it became the Universe's own device for my evolution. All of a sudden the car's horn went off. I drive a diesel van to accommodate a brood that can play a half court of hoop without any blow-ins, so this vehicle doesn't beep, it seriously HONKS. At first it was merely strange and for about 5 more mins at each bend, it was somewhat humorous...until I hit town - a town made of roundabouts. Around each bend the vehicle honked and with every honk, even to me, it seemed increasingly aggressive. People were starting to look, drivers in front were starting to react. I tried driving with my knees, hands in the air taking the 'I surrender' position to prove that it was my vehicle that was pathological, not I. But there's only so much curve one can accomplish with a pair of patellas before one is no longer going round the roundabout. I pretended with each beep to be waving to someone beside me in a different car but as the journey went on the honks became extended in length and coupled with my mad waving and big false grin to my false friends - things were looking worse. With still 30 kms until my final destination and folks getting angrier, I began to realise that I was under real threat of becoming a victim of road rage. Around the next bend a gentleman was crossing the road, he was nowhere near me yet still the car honked. The man stopped, stuck his middle finger up, told me I was an expletive undesirable whilst I drove by yelling to him (which seems now in hindsight more like at him) about the exorcist tendencies of my van and apologizing profusely. By this stage I was getting stressed. Mums with kids were getting worried in the cars in front as I honked over and over and over again - the more I slowed down to create more space between us, the more they did too - clearly concerned that there was a major drama that required their immediate attention and a much slower speed. At one point along a particularly winding road, that is regularly deserted but of course not today, a very cautious driver pulled out in front of me not far ahead. Around every corner the car honked and with each maniacal toot the more the lady hit the brakes, until eventually she pulled over. I pulled up beside her apologizing and explaining - she was in tears! So scared she was of this aggressive driver behind, that when I pulled up beside her she had feared for her safety! I felt so bad. I explained the situation and she burst into laughter: relief and comedy rolled into one - instantly she became my ally. 'I'm on my way to the mechanics right now!' I told her. 'Light speed you poor weirdo, may the road rise up to meet you and your horn be permanently throttled!' ' She said in the poetic license of my mind,

By the time I reached George I was flabbergasted at how such a silly situation could be the cause of so much emotional suffering. 'Pull the horn off!' I declared to my saviour mechanic, wanting to be sure that the same thing could never happen again. 'How about I just disconnect instead, eh', said George with the wisdom of a man who understands 'street legal'. As I drove away gleefully pressing the horn that made no sound, I thanked the Universe for George and for the lesson NOT TO JUDGE - a reminder that no matter how hard the evidence, to stay calm, optimistic and compassionate. For despite the most clear cut of scenarios, you just never know when someone's horn is being used as an instrument for the greater good.